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The why, the who and the basics...  
12:23pm 21/05/2020
 
 
How to Date a Babe
 

Why am I writing this journal?

 

Mostly, because my female friends encouraged me (they’re sick of guys who are clueless) and my male friends encouraged me (they’re sick of being clueless and single).

 

I look around, online and off, and I see people making really obvious dating mistakes because they just don’t know any better. Guys do it talking to girls, girls do it talking to guys and same sex, bizarre fetishists or transgender people do it with… whoever the object of their affection is.

 

I see people getting frustrated because they: 1) don’t know what they’re doing wrong and 2) don’t know what they should do different to succeed.

 

This journal is primarily for men and women who are seeking women. I’m a woman, so while I DO have a pretty good idea what women want, I’m not going to pretend I’m an expert on men. I can think of a lot of stupid mistakes my straight girlfriends make with guys too. However this journal is going to stay pretty focused on getting the FAIRER sex into bed.

 

To start us off, here are some basics to approaching women and getting a date:

 

1. Speak to people online in the same way you would offline.

 

If you wouldn’t walk up to a stranger on the street and say: “I like your tits.” Don’t say it online. End of story. Anything that would get you slapped, jailed or beaten up in person is still JUST AS RUDE online. Save the comments on our breasts for in person—and the second date.

 

2. Ask women out.

 

Guys, if you say you can’t get a date and I ask when the last time you asked out a woman WAS, you shouldn’t just stare at me blankly. Dates don’t come out of vending machines like condoms. You do ACTUALLY have to talk to a women to get one. Sorry.

 

3. Smell good.

 

A women’s sense of smell is better than a man’s. To us, you ALL STINK. I dunno what you boys are doing all day, but we suspect it’s unhygienic. You’re aiming to not smell of ANYTHING at all. A faint hint of aftershave is nice, but if it smells pretty strong to YOU, we’re gagging, okay?

 

4. Pretend you’re interested in more than sex.

 

Tedious, I know. Just pretend we’re more than a hunk of meat you want to deposit semen in. It’ll make a huge difference, I promise.

 

5. Don’t put-down a woman, even if you don’t want to sleep with her.

 

Ugly women have cute friends. And you know what? We really do tell all our girlfriends if a guy is an ass to us. Even accidental, innocent put-downs are noted, shared and made publicly accessible.

 

For example, never say to ANY female: “I wish I had hot female friends.”

 

Nicholas Smith of Melbourne, Australia? Yes, I’m talking to you.

mood: cheerfulcheerful
 
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Dating 101  
12:39pm 09/06/2008
 
 
How to Date a Babe

Unfortunately, I underestimated the time maintaining this journal would take. I get an awful lot of emails from people and though I’ve enjoyed the experience thus far, other things in my life require a lot of time and energy from the at the moment, such as: running my own business and working with my publisher and agent to get my book ready for publication.

 

I have, however, written one last article. An expansion on the ‘how to get dates’ reply to this Friends only Friday.

 

I’ve always considered the first date to be a risk free trial period. It’s for testing the water, getting to know people and seeing how it feels to sit alone at a restaurant for two hours making small talk. I feel there should be no obligation from either side for second dates or any commitment.

 

Some people, male and female, disagree with me here. Hell, I’ve dated some. One guy? Would Not. Stop. Calling. Me. The first time, I said: no thank you, I wasn’t interested. The second time, I lied and said I was seeing someone else. After that it was all ‘no’s without reasons. No, remarkably, still isn’t code for yes, guys and girls…

 

All debates aside for a moment, lets just pretend the first date IS a risk free trial period and work from there. What does that mean for dating?

 

mood: busybusy
 
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Meeting Nice Babes  
03:29pm 02/06/2008
 
 
How to Date a Babe
 I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again.

 

Everyone knows women are often (not always, mind you!) attracted to major assholes.

 

However it works both ways. I can’t count the number of nice, sweet genuine guys I’ve wished would look my way—only to see them hook up with and be hurt by mega bitches. Often they’re attractive—but they’re the kind of women the rest of us women avoid like the plague. And quite predictably, they eat through men like they were chocolates, only to spit them out ruined and bitter.

 

If this sounds familiar to you, I suggest you STOP DATING BITCHES and look around for those girls in your life who are probably just like you. Sweet and tragically overlooked because they don’t wear hooker make up and stuff their bras.

 

But what if you’ve surrounded yourself with bitches? Or you don’t know any girls at all? Where the hell do you find some good ones?

 

Firstly online:

 

Now, I can’t say I’m speaking from personal experience here, but both male and female friends have told me the quality of people you find on dating sites is tragically low. It seems the people of substance join, then quit after a few weeks and my male friends tell me most women (the ones who aren’t fictional and scams) are often laden down with poor choices. AKA: Children.

 

This is, once again, where it comes in handy to have interests in life.

 

Over the years I’ve met up with a lot of people in real life that I found online. Not for dating, but as friends. I’ve found special interest sites (sites for writers, gamers, artists, photographers, people will specific illness, sports, or whatever else) to be a great place for meeting normal, nice, everyday people who share interests with me. You might have to do a bit of hunting to find an active site with local people—but you should be able to make friends when you find one. And many sites will already have annual real life meet ups arranged, saving you the challenge of arranging to meet people yourself.

 

So what if you prefer meeting people in the flesh?

 

Firstly, I generally tell people to avoid bars and clubs when it comes to picking up ‘nice’ girls. Nice girls aren’t out drinking (generally). If you want one night stands and bitchiness, knock yourself out. However if you want long term, look elsewhere.

 

The exception to this rule is special interest nightclubs. Gay and lesbian clubs are often filled with nice friendly people—assuming you are gay or a lesbian. Goth clubs have their bitchiness, but are often pretty friendly to their own and backpackers and tourist hot spots are generally VERY friendly and the people are very nice… but as they’re probably going home at the end of the month, again, it’s not great for long term relationships.

 

So where do you look? Well, special interest reality!

 

There are SOOOO many sports, clubs, charities and groups. I don’t care where you are, they’re there. If you can’t find them, you must be blind, deaf and have no phone or white pages. Or internet. If you can read this? You can find local clubs.

 

Charities: There are lots of women in charities. There are lots of older women in charities, but if you pick a trendy charity, you’ll find younger and very nice ladies in the mix too. Plus, you get to be a really good guy.

 

Sports: A little harder, as men and women tend to be segregated in sports. However not in non team sports. Check out your local rock climbing center for spunky and really fit ladies. Rawr.

 

Clubs: Writers, artists, designers, photographers… these are your golden killing fields. Women out number men in these things, nine to one. It’s criminally easy to pick up in a creative type club. So take an art class, join a writing group—there will be ladies.

 

Groups: Theatre, acting, choirs, book groups… whatever tickles your fancy. Again, its an area dominated by women. On the down side, you may be the only guy…. On the up side, you’ll be the only guy!

 

 

“But wait, Lex!” I hear you say: “Did you just say I have to get off my ass, go out into the world and actually DO things to meet ladies?”

 

Yes. I did. Funny how you have to go out and meet new people to…. Meet new people.

mood: contemplativecontemplative
 
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Friends Locked Friday  
04:34pm 30/05/2008
 
 
How to Date a Babe

Here they are, your questions answered. And remember, if you have a question, email it to: scooter_waz_ere(at)hotmail.com


Dear Lex, I was hoping you could cover something that is exceedingly basic: how to ask a girl out in general, and how to ask a girl out, and this is the first time you've met her, in specific.

 

Signed-

Can't Do Gramma

 

 

 

And in last Monday's post firewolfsquake wrote:

 
Out of ceriosity then a person with screennames that are off the wall say cause they were perpusly made to be oxymorons and gender nutral names arnt good for online dating? Also is spelling and grammer online really that important?

 

 

Miss Lex...
Im thinking that this question would walk similar lines to that of nice guys finishing last. Well actually there are two but follow the same path.

The first being "you are the kind of guy any woman would be lucky to have." How can someone be the kind of guy and not the guy? I've heard this on more than one occasion and 99 times out of 100 that woman is in a serious/committed relationship. It has led me to believe that it’s merely a line to try and boost ones confidence.

The other is "you are too nice of a guy for me to be with. I don't deserve someone like you." Now that one I know is a load of crap. I know that's a nice way of saying "I don't want to be with someone like you."

What is the deal with all these lines? To be honest... I've thought of more questions due to past relationship mishaps than I can possibly comprehend. The ones stated here are merely the tip of the iceberg. I could go on and on... But I will save you that hassle.

Thanks
Chris (Jester)

 

 

So, girls want you to stick up for them. I am terrible at this. But I'm terrible at sticking up for anyone. But I'm especially bad at it when I think the girl is wrong but she expects me to stick up for her because she's my girl.

 

Mostly I want people to stick up for themselves, but in my experience the world doesn't work that way. And I frankly don't get the whole thing deep down. I KNOW in my head that it demonstrates that are emotionally committed but my head can't make me actually feel like sticking up for something/someone that I don't think merits it.

 

Any advice?

 

Also I read this: http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sea/561877622.html and thought I should share it with you. It is excellent.

 

Thanks!

 
 
mood: busybusy
 
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Clothes 101  
08:28am 26/05/2008
 
 
How to Date a Babe
 

Clothes and usernames.

 

I know you’re all groaning already, but I promise this won’t be as bad as you think it’s going to be.

 

!!!Boring psychology content!!!

 

We all judge people. From the first moment we look at someone, we make judgments about them based on their age, gender, weight, clothes, manners and behaviors. These are called schemata by psychologists and other professionals and they aren’t all bad. They allow us to function in society without having to re-learn everything every single time we encounter someone.

 

For example, every time we see something with a tower, a screen and a keyboard, we’re going to recognize it as a computer.

 

It works the same with people. For example, if you see a woman wearing a sari with dark skin and black hair, you’re probably going to assume she’s Indian. There is a high chance you are right—however you, as an individual, will have a range of experiences and expectations about Indians—which may or may not be negative.

 

Likewise, if you see a man on a tram at 8am wearing a suit and carrying a briefcase, you’re probably going to assume he’s going to work. And you’re going to assume he’s NOT going to work at Pizza hut. Again, you are probably correct.

 

We all know what a hooker looks like. We all know what a bum looks like. We all know what a CEO looks like.

 

So you can see how clothes influence people’s perception of you.

 

!!!End boring psychology content!!!

 

So how do you work this information to your advantage in the critical area of scoring with hot chicks?

 

It’s gloriously simple really. You dress in the way you want people to perceive you.

 

If you don’t really care, but you’re still not getting the type of girl you want, I suggest this: People generally choose to date people who affirm their schemata of themselves. Basically, for Joe Blow, this means if you want to attract sporty chicks, dress sporty! If you want sophisticated chicks, look sophisticated. And if you want Goth chicks, invest in eye liner and fishnet.

 

There are exceptions to this rule and people tend to fit into several ‘styles’ depending on the occasion. Aim to match a woman’s recreational attire to best catch her eye.

 

Different people are attracted to very different things and styles. So I can’t give you ANY information on specifics here.

 

There are, however, there are three clothing rules that are standard across the board:

 

1) Wear clean clothes.

 

I feel like this should be obvious, and yet I meet people ALL THE TIME for whom this is clearly a problem. I want you guys to know something: If you wash your clothes, then let them sit in the machine wet for a day, they’re not clean anymore. THEY FUCKING STINK. I will leave a room to avoid that smell. It’s rancid. Better you have rotting hamster in your colon farts, okay? If your clothes sit for more than, oh, eight hours all wet? Wash them again.

 

2) Wear clothes that fit.

 

This is more of a woman crime, but men do it too. Now look, no one can see your god damn size on your tag, but you. If you wear clothes that are too small because your ego won’t let you buy large, you make yourself look MUCH FATTER to the rest of us. Clothes that fit properly slim you down and, surprise, surprise, they’re much more comfortable. No one thinks a muffin top is attractive (and if they do, it falls into the fetish zone…). Also, wearing clothes that are too big makes you look like your mother dressed you and she’s still expecting you to grow.

 

3) Clothes can be old, they can’t be worn out.

 

Vintage is cute. (Is vintage cute? I have no idea, I’m not that kind of girl.) However worm patches on your crotch and ass, aren’t. If you want to keep clothes with holes, arm pit stains and material that is so faded NO ONE can guess the original colour—feel free. I’m not going to come around and make you toss them. They won’t get you laid though.

 

The only exception to this is punk. And I mean real punk, not ‘I’m punk because I’m too lazy to go and by myself new pants’.

 

 

 

“But Lex,” I hear you say. “I never leave the house and my mother buys all my clothes! What about me!”

 

Usernames are the clothes of the internet.

 

Don’t believe me? Allow me to give you some examples:

 

Melbgurl24

 

K0rNl0v3r

 

NekoGuy

 

Three names that tell us about the user and appeal to a certain type of crowd. If you’re hoping to attract the ladies online, think about how they are going to perceive the name and what names are going to appeal to them the most. It depends largely on what type of lady you want—however keep in mind on the internet people aren’t always what they seem.

 

The majority of really slutty ladies online are actually… well, really slutty men.

 

If you’re hoping to one day hook up with your internet lady and get some real lovin’, you want to focus your attention on the ‘women’ who want to talk about more than sex.

 

(There are plenty of real women who are sluts on the internet—but that’s usually because they CAN’T be sluts in real life. They’re married, they have kids, they have self respect… odds are, the faster you can get those topless pictures, the less likely you’re ever going to touch those boobs in reality.)

mood: cheerfulcheerful
 
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Compliments 101  
01:02pm 19/05/2008
 
 
How to Date a Babe

Compliments are good openers.

 

They open conversations, doors, legs…

 

There is a bit of a knack to handing out really good compliments, so I’m going to try and give you a run down of the right and wrong ways to compliment someone.

 

Once you get the basics down, you’ll find this is much easier than you think it is and its so gloriously effective, if used correctly it can get just about anyone laid.

 

1) Don’t be vague.

 

‘You look good’ is not a compliment. Its like saying ‘How are you?’ or ‘Have a nice day’. It doesn’t mean anything.

 

2) Don’t compliment inappropriate or sexual aspects.

 

When you say my boobs look great, I think you’re stupid, desperate or just pathetic. I know they’re good. You’re the eighth tedious, moronic guy to have mentioned it today. Some girls are desperate enough to like these compliments. Daddy didn’t love them. They’re needy. You don’t want them.

 

3) Don’t mention yourself in a compliment.

 

I can’t walk fast enough to get away from people who complement themselves, by complementing me. If it were legal, I’d perform vasectomies on street corners on these guys. Give me half an excuse and I’ll do that vasectomy with my knee.

 

4) Do be specific.

 

The best compliment ever is: “You look amazing in those jeans.” Say it with confidence and smile and we can find the nearest maintenance closet. “You look amazing in those shoes” “Those glasses are amazing” and “That skirt is really amazing”. Are all just as good. Notice I did not mention shirts (we know you’re just looking at our breasts) or say anything was ‘hot’ or ‘sexy’.

 

5) Find out what she’s passionate about and compliment her on that.

 

Does the object of your lust have hobbies? Photography maybe? Art? Creative writing? Is she an exercise buff who works out a lot? Does she love her dog more than your mother loved you? These are compliment gold. If you compliment a woman on something she is passionate about, you have her attention.

 

The downside is you actually have to look at the art, photography, writing or dog. Don’t try and compliment her if you haven’t. Guys do this to me all the time and I know instantly. For example, if they offer to read some of my writing and I send them a scene where a small child is disemboweled? They’re going to get themselves blacklisted instantly if they say it was ‘Sweet and thought provoking’. This has happened to me more than once. Always say something that proves you took note. “I love that brown spot by his nose” for example. Or, “My favorite was the photo you took at the Twelve Apostles.”

 

6) Handle bitch-crazy well.

 

Some women react negatively to compliments. Some women deny what you’ve said—usually, because they’ve been raised to believe it’s what women should do. Some women even get offended (if you complimented their ass, it’s you, not them). Handle this gracefully. “Whatever anyone else thinks, I think it’s great” is a pretty safe response. Then you can change the subject. Whatever you do, don’t argue about it.

 

7) Put up with the boring monologue.

 

You complimented a woman, now she’s telling you a bunch of shit you couldn’t care less about. Where she got the jeans, how long she’s had the jeans, what her hairdresser said about the jeans…

 

Believe it or not, this is good. Women see disclosing information as a positive. She’s sharing herself, and if you listen, take note and make some intelligent responses; soon she might be sharing more than useless facts about her jeans. She might be sharing what’s IN the jeans.

 

8) Practice.

 

Practice complimenting people. It’s free, it makes people feel good and it makes people like you. There is no down side at all. Compliment store clerks, strangers, people at work, your mother, your neighbor…

 

Compliments aren’t sexual… or they shouldn’t be. You don’t have to use them only on people you want to shag. Practice makes perfect and the more you do it, the better you’ll be.

 

Try it, three times a day and twice on Sundays.

mood: flirtyflirty
 
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